It seems to me in recent times, the term gaslighting has been receiving a lot more buzz than ever before. Or maybe it’s just my RAS (reticular activating system) focusing on anything and everything relating to psychopaths and narcissistic abuse. Either way this is a term I had never heard of in my life until I got out of a toxic relationship with a narcissist.
I still remember the first time my mentor explained to me what gaslighting was after I had given him details of all the things my psychopath ex would do to me.
It was fascinating to learn that there was an actual term for this type of wicked behavior, making it much easier to explain the level of psychological horror I had experienced while dating my narcissist ex.
Gaslighting is form of psychological manipulation used by psychopaths and narcissists to control you.
Gaslighting is one of the sickest forms of narcissistic abuse you will experience when dating a psychopath.
It is their secret weapon of ultimate mind control and they use it all the time to torture and psychologically abuse their victims.
If executed properly, and beLIEve me, these narcissists are EXPERTS in psychological terror and manipulation, you will sooner or later start to question your own sanity.
The gaslighting technique works by sewing seeds of doubt into your subconscious which lead to you not trusting in your memories or your perception of things anymore.
In time you will lose yourself and, as twisted as this sounds, you will unconsciously start putting all of your trust in the narcissist, even though deep inside you KNOW they are completely untrustworthy.
Of course, this is playing right into the narcissist’s trap.
Once you’ve been exposed to this poison for long enough, you will be completely under the control of the narcissist.
From this point on your brain feels like mush and your psychological decline is inevitable.
Here’s one of the many ways a psychopath narcissist uses gaslighting to torture their victims followed by a real life testimonial from one of our fellow survivors whom we’ll refer to as John for purposes of anonymity.
The narcissist will plant evidence you will easily discover and confront them over but will deny or dismiss their guilt so convincingly that you will question your own feelings and quite possibly, regret confronting them in the first place; blaming yourself for what was clearly their fault.
John’s Story:
…for months we’d been arguing about some ‘random guy’ that would message her (the psychopath) a lot on Facebook but she had insisted they were just online friends.
I began suspecting that she was cheating on me (like any other rational thinking boyfriend would) after she mentioned the guy showed up at her house drunk one night. She told me not to worry and that she blocked him on Facebook and cut him out of her life.
A week later we were laying in bed together watching movies on her laptop when she decided to check her Facebook right in front of me.
She casually scrolled through her news feed fully aware that I was looking at her screen. To my shock I kept seeing post after post from that very same ‘random guy’ she told me she had blocked.
She popped open her Facebook Messenger window and the last conversation she had was with him just a few hours ago; his name was on the top of her contact list.
I swallowed much anxiety and rage as I layed there watching this happen right before my eyes. And the worst part is she didn’t even hesitate to cover the screen or switch tabs. It’s as if she WANTED me to catch her.
Shortly after that she got up and jumped in the shower, leaving her laptop with her Facebook page and ALL OF THE EVIDENCE OPEN RIGHT IN FRONT OF ME!
Afraid of what I would find if I dug thru the Facebook Messenger, I decided to close the laptop instead of invading her privacy, but I confronted her about it as soon as she got out of the shower.
With a very cynical laugh and smirk, she dismissed my concern and told me that she had unblocked him a few days ago. After I pressed a little harder (with every right in the world to do so) she transformed into another person and went into PSYCHO RAGE MODE, something I’d noticed she’d been doing often the moment I would question something that didn’t make sense to me.
The tantrum she threw was fierce. Within 10 minutes, she got dressed, packed her things and stormed out the door, ruining the entire night and plans we had made and, of course, not answering my questions about the other guy and leaving the situation unresolved.
She disappeared for the rest of the weekend and did not return my phone calls or texts until the next afternoon.
Needless to say it’s pretty obvious where she went that night.
Spoiler Alert: In the end it was discovered the narcissist was indeed cheating on John with that guy and had been for many months. The guy turned out to be her next victim whom she was grooming at the time of John’s devaluation and discard. She ended up cheating on him too and utterly destroying him long after her and John broke up.
Let’s analyze this real quick shall we?
It’s evident from the very beginning that John’s narcissist girlfriend was gaslighting him.
A normal woman in a healthy stable relationship will not be entertaining random guys on Facebook that are only messaging them in hopes of hooking up.
And for those normal yet unfaithful ladies out there, we all know you would keep this a secret for fear of being caught by your man.
How did this random guy know where she lived?
Why did he show up drunk at her house?
What did she do that caused this type of behavior?
Why is she telling John that she blocked him on Facebook when she clearly hasn’t?
Why is she leaving her laptop open for John to see the random guy’s name all over her feed?
Why did she leave her Messenger window open with all their messages open to be read just a click away?
Why is she down playing John’s suspicion?
Why is she throwing a tantrum when confronted?
Why did she storm out without resolving the issue?
Why didn’t she answer her phone for the rest of the night?
These questions probably came to mind as you were reading John’s testimonial as these were the very same questions John wanted answers from the narcissist and couldn’t get.
These and many more questions were racing through his mind the entire night. Why would a girl do that to her boyfriend?
The answer is simple. Gaslighting.
The narcissist’s plan of manipulation was in full effect and had been for months prior to this day.
It’s clear that her intent was to create confusion in John, making him question whether or not she could possibly be that careless and stupid as to leave all that incriminating evidence so accessible. After all, she shouldn’t have anything to hide if she’s leaving her Facebook open right?
Maybe John is being paranoid.
Maybe he’s too jealous and over reacted.
Maybe John is the problem.
Maybe he deserves for his girlfriend to storm out and not answer her boyfriend’s calls for the rest of the night.
This and many more twisted thoughts run a muck in our minds when a psychopath narcissist gaslights us. It is a powerful manipulative tactic that renders the victim totally unfit to make personal decisions, much less trust in their own intuition.
Over time the victim turns to the narcissist as their only voice of reason and surrenders completely to them; giving the narcissist full power and dominion over the victim.
ARE YOU A VICTIM OF A PSYCHOPATH NARCISSIST?
Narcissist abuse is a perpetual nightmare not many can wake up from. The anxiety, trauma and PTSD can last a lifetime if one does not properly cut ties with their psychopathic tormentor and follow through with a specific plan for recovery.
However, this path can be a mystery to most victims of narcissists who’ve been discarded and dismantled. That’s why I’ve put together a step-by-step guide that will show you how to take the first step in establishing boundaries between you and your abuser. Study this guide carefully and do exactly what it says, especially if you have been recently discarded and left to rot by your narcissist ex.
These were the first instructions my mentor gave me back when I too was in hell; gasping for air from the suffocating panic and bed ridden anxiety my psychopath ex had left me in. I followed his guidance to the tee and instantly felt life breathing back into my soul… as will YOU when you follow these easy steps.
The information in this guide is crucial to your mental health and recovery. Do not hesitate or risk another minute of your life drifting into oblivion at the hands of a psychopath narcissist.
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Jesus…this just happened to me right when I was recovering….I can’t believe that he would be so stupid to do that, but now it makes sense. He even used our own kids in the process. I am completely in shambles and feeling guilty for reacting the way I did. Even people I know are blaming me for the way I reacted, saying I shouldn’t have done anything. That is the worst part.
People do not understand what a victim of narcissistic abuse goes through and why they react the way they do. It’s easy to tell someone what they ‘should’ve’ done or what they ‘shouldn’t’ have done from the safety net of an outside perspective. I can assure you that if they were in a dire situation as similar as yours, they would’ve reacted the same way. It’s part of the manipulation and power of gaslighting. You are supposed to react that way. That is what the psychopath narcissist is alluding you to. This is how they control their victims. It’s the oldest trick in the narcissist’s handbook. Hope you are doing better in your recovery!
I’m actually doing terribly. But this helped me a lot to understand it and to discuss with my therapist. The more I learn in a way the harder it gets for me. I feel cursed for marrying a psychopath and he kept the mask for years! I have kids with him so NC is hard but I was feeling better for the first time in 3 years doing it as much as possible. He realized and did this. I need to pretend I’m miserable in front of him all the time. Grey rock doesn’t work either. Thanks so much! P.s. He used this method to make the new supply look bad and discard her. What an idiot she was to be with a married man so I don’t feel bad for her.
I remember earlier on in my recovery I was going through a lot trying to digest things. I had insomnia for years to boot. I was going to the public library, and with my vibration being lowered from all the trauma, I was attracting bad attention from the librarians and their manager. They were gossiping and giggling, and daily I would overlook it. I try to rise above nonsense. But one day, I confronted this female librarian. I didn’t say anything particularly ugly….that’s not my style. But to make a long story short, she claimed to her boss that I was harassing her (when in fact, it was really covertly the other way around). She began to tell her coworkers this, and an old stern German coworker of hers said something to me about it, albeit in an indirect way. Then when I continued to walk into the library, she would whisper into other coworkers ears. She was covertly trying to get me agitated enough to react, which I eventually did. I said something else to her like “Why do you gossip about me when I come in?”. Then she claimed I was harassing her again! Very insidious behavior. What a wicked calculating person!
I was banned from the library.
Oh, and isn’t it interesting when a manager stands over you in a power position while you are sitting down? And while they are talking to you about the whole situation, they are gaslighting you right and left.
I am glad they banned me. No desire to return. Haven’t been there in years.
I think there are a lot of Narcissistic or Sociopathic people who aren’t in jail, but who are right next to us in everyday life.
Harassing, omg, sold my house and to cut expenses decided to rent a room and bath from a total stranger for 6 months until my divorce is finished and his lawyer no longer has my share of the money in her claws of an escrow account. Well, I can’t even look at this female house owner sideways without being accused of harassing her . Harassing must be my specialty because I also do this to her dog, livein boyfriend, virtually anyone who comes into the house though it’s rare I venture out of my 9 x 11′ room unless leaving the house and I hate to come home just like I stayed away from my home when the narc was home. Karma?? Texts from her complaining about eating his ice cream sent at 2:30 AM so she’s blocked on my phone and yesterday asked if my phone wsn’t working since I hadn’t responded to her text about my harassing her friend who took care of the dog over Halloween while they were out of town. This is not a good place for me to be right now. My divorce should be over with Nov 16th and today I wasted about $600 like a zombie in my lawyer’s office trying to go over the final details. I’m in trouble and can’t focus.
I am not sure if I have been or not but I’ve given upwards of 20,000. to him and cars and jewelry and on an on….it’s been almost 2 years and I have received 1 gift, a candy heart on valentine’s day. I am so in love but I have had people send me proof of cheating, text messages he supposedly was involved in and I do believe it might be true because I posed as a woman interested in him…please don’t ask what happened….I was heart broken. I just can’t think of anyone but him, and yet I hate this gut feeling I have because I’m suspicious of everything he does….his actions seem to correlate with my suspicious mind but I’m not sure if it’s nit just me being overly paranoid! I really need your help….please. I just lost my youngest adult daughter, 27, last June and I was a wreck, lost my mom this past December and she left me and my sister a small fortune, you wouldn’t believe what has taken a walk….so sad to know someone would steal your inheritance. Now I’m still in probate court, should be ending this December and I had said maybe we should split because he acts like I don’t matter…he pretty much lives here in my house…not fully because he still goes to his mom’s and to check his po box. So I kind of think maybe that’s why he’s here. I have literally emptied my retirement account at work for him. I am going crazy….or am i?